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Things That Should Be Banned From the Club - whoissugar, the blog

Things That Should Be Banned From the Club

“Girl, we should go to the club on Tuesday because Wednesday is the 4th and we don’t have to WORK!!! :D”

The aforementioned message is probably posted up in your text messages or chilling in your mentions on Twitter. I don’t go to the club much. BUT when I do hit up the club, I am forever reminded why I don’t go. If you follow me on YouTube and were with me before the blog crash you know I loves me a list chile. Here are 10 nouns that I think should be banned from the club.

  1. Angry people. Those “you’ve-been-in-the-club-wrist-bans” should be like the mood rings from back in the day. If that jank turns a predetermined angry color, you ARE banned!
  2. Women, with purses larger than 2 feet by 3 feet. But Sug, why come? Cause when they drop it like it’s hot…they take out several people on the way back up.
  3. People with weapons. Really?
  4. People with their own bottle of licka and it’s NOT a BYOB establishment. Chances are you drove yourself to the club AND you are probably not going to tell you that you are drinking too much. But Sug, people come to the club wasted.
  5. People who insist on doing  elaborate dance moves when there is only 6 inches between them and the next person(s). The kid in play? Really?
  6. People who don’t wear deodorant. In the words of my husband: “Sometimes you can be too natural.”
  7. People who text and or social network while on the dance floor.  Not only is the indiglo from your cellular device distracting BUT you’re NOT dancing and you’re totally messing up the dancing chi.
  8. People who are dry heaving and or vomiting. I’m going to assume that your stomach is tore up because of too much alcohol and not that room temperature potato salad you ate at the cookout.
  9. People who insist on eating chicken wings, apples and mangoes on the dance floor. First of all, where did you get a mango from? (Yes, I saw a sista eating a MANGO on the dance floor recently.) Second, you are probably not going to throw your pits and or chicken bones in the trash SO that means it’s going to be on the floor (where I’m trying to dance in my 20 inch circle). O_O Third, did you wash your hands? See, those in the club foodies be the main ones asking “Can I touch your hair?”
  10. Women with shoes that hurt their feet. So you’re going to take your shoes off in the club and expose the skin on your foot to #5, #8 and or #9 from above? Oh. Ok. Man look. You knew those shoe hurt when you left the house. Smh. I’ve never seen a man take off his shoes in the club though.

O_O

I’m sure I’ve missed some. Be safe if you plan on going out this holiday.Thanks for listening. :D

 

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  • http://www.thecurlyoenophile.com The Curly Oenophile

    Ha Ha Ha. “predetermined angry color”. Classic!

    • suggie

      LOL!

  • http://www.takinginfinitybeyond.tumblr.com Cia

    I laughed extremely hard when I saw # 9 ! Where did you get mango from? OMG! That’s so funny!

    • suggie

      That’s what we said. O_O lol

  • http://ladylittlefoot.blogspot.com ladylittlefoot

    Ah the ladies with the shoes that hurt their feet or the shoes they don’t know how to walk in.

    Saw the latter a lot around the military base. The ladies were in boots all week and then want to break out their stilletos and walk all pigeon toed in the club. Hilarious!

    I love your writing voice, I could hear you saying this. I may have to come read this again (this is my 2d time) for the laughs. :-D

    • suggie

      Thanks for the love! My mama used to say the same thing.