Edification Not so Random: edification rant see what had happened was... Someone please call 9.1.1. Sometimes you need to sit down you can't make this stuff up you need to have a seat
by Imma Bawse
44 comments
The Top 10 Things I’ve Heard Because of My Size and Height
Like y’all give a damn.
You know I’ve been tall and skinny all my life. 
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining about my size (at least not now, I’ve grown to love the way I look.), BUT I will say that it comes with A LOT of unwanted commentary from people. I have heard everything. Everything, I say. Most of the comments are usually backhanded and people seem to be shocked when I retort with sarcasm. So, here are the top 10 things I’ve heard about my size.
Like y’all give a damn.
But first, I know what you’re thinking, “But Sug, how tall are you and how much do you weigh and stuff?” HISS! Well, I have no idea how much I weigh. I don’t own a scale. Matta fact I have never owned a scale. The last time I was at the doctor, I weighted about 140 something pounds. I do measure in at 32-27-40. Regarding my height, I am between 5’7.5″ and 5’9.” I know what you’re thinking, “But Sug, how come you don’t know how tall you are?” *sigh* Man look, I forgot, okay? Plus, I stay with a pair of heels on so I look much taller than I really am.
Anywho, here are my top 1o comments.
- “What are you like a size zero?” I guess that is the skinny girl default size. I’ve never been a size zero. Never.
- “Oh so you’re a size 2 then?” This question slash statement almost ALWAYS follows the aforementioned question. Always. Again, I am not a size 2. On average, I am a size 6. Telling people I’m a size 6 usually comes with lots of debate. “My best friend’s mother’s sister’s aunt’s grandmother’s first cousin Marva is a size 6 and you look smaller than her!” Smh.
- “Oh chile, you need to eat a sammich (or some chicken)!”
Really, a sandwich? Chicken, really? - “You shole is skinny for someone with 3 kids.” This statement implies that all skinny women should be childless. Lawd! I would love to dummy smack whoever started that rumor. Having a child does NOT automatically put you in the bigness category.
- “What do you eat?” Food, is never an acceptable answer. Never. My simple one word response usually comes with a dirty look.
- “Oh you poor thing, you’re so skinny.” Long blinks usually accompany statements like this.
- “Only dogs want a bone.” Last I checked (which was never), dogs will eat almost anything.
- “How long have you been playing basketball?” Um, excuse me, sir. I’m trying to pump 50 dollars in my gas tank. I know what you’re thinking, “what does gas have to do with basketball?” Last time I checked (which was never), GAS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH BASKETBALL!
- “Lemme climb yo tree.”
Um, how bout no. You would be shocked at how often I hear this. - “Lemme get a sip of that tall glass of water.” Again, how bout no. Maybe this is the tall woman’s pickup line. *shrug*
So, there you have it. If you are one of those people asking these types of questions, Imma need for you to have a furniture store worth of seats. I know what you’re thinking, “But Sug, I am [insert your size here] and people talk ish to me all the time too.” Okay, they too need to have a seat and stop asking you those types of questions. 
It is not cute nor is it a compliment. Further, it is rude and mad disrespectful AT ANY SIZE! That is all. Thank you for listening/reading.
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Edification Not so Random: edification inspiration random rant Someone please call 9.1.1. you can't make this stuff up you need to have a seat
by Imma Bawse
7 comments
And You Thought You Were Regular…
At least that was your thinking before YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, and other social networking websites. If you didn’t get the memo, strange strangers on the internet know more about you then you know about yourself. They also have an incredible ability to diagnose you with varies disorders, diseases, conditions, and other non scientific ailments…all without meeting you of course.
OH honey, I like many others, have been diagnosed with ALL types of mess from the aforementioned individuals. It then occurred to me that certain variables almost always mean that there is a “problem.” The concept that correlation is not always causation is completely thrown out of the window.
Did you know?
- If you are too happy (figure A) , you may be Bipolar Disorder because surely NO one can be that happy…all the time. Oh wait, you could also have Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) (figure B) and your alter, we’ll call her/him Chipper, is ALWAYS
chipperhappy. Yeah, that’s it.Congratulation, you now qualify for a crazy check.
- Despite that fact that you are over the age of 18 and you clearly do not meet the criteria for having an intellectually disability (formally known as mental retardation), you may be called “retarded or tarded” if you make a statement that someone does not agree with, if you spell a word wrong or if your subjects and verbs do not agree. Mmm Hmm. Betcha didn’t know.
- Having a bad hair day? Don’t tell people on the internet. Why? Cause after you hit enter or post, you automatically have low self-esteem which means you have depression (figure C).
Duh. If you hair is natural, you are also plagued with self hatred.
- Busy? Hyper?:D Excited? Out of breath? You have ADHD (figure D). If you are on the fluffy side, you need to lose weight…or you have asthma.
- Too skinny? You have an eating disorder (figure E).
- Too damn big? You have an eating disorder (figure F).
- Too cute? Low self-esteem.
- Too many photos? Narcissism (figure G).
- Not attractive? Ghetto. Ratchet. Suffering from #thethrist.
Figures A-G
I guess that’s the risk you take when you expose yourself to experts people online. Now, I must admit that I have seen people and have thought to myself that person is [insert disorder here], but I keep my mouth shut and my fingers by my side, cause who am I? A stranger, that’s who.
Thanks for listening.
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Edification Random: life random rant wear your seat belt you need to have a seat
by Imma Bawse
6 comments
So wearing a seat belt is optional?
“How can you just jump in the car and not buckle your seat belt?”
That question led to an argument. That was yesterday. Today, I thought I had let it go…until we were back in the car and guess what? Dude (My hubby) did not have his seat belt on YET again. Besides the fact that it is illegal to drive without a seat belt, it is reckless and I am disgusted that someone would consciously not buckle their seat belt.
Yesterday, after the initial question, he informed me that he doesn’t like to wear a seat belt because he doesn’t have a pocket knife in his car. My first thought was, what the hell does a pocket knife have to do with you not wearing a seat belt? I was then informed that he was afraid of getting stuck in his seat belt. Sarcastically, I asked, so you’re not afraid of being thrown from your car and dying on the side of the road?
He said no.
Wow! I secretly hope the police pull him over EVERY TIME he is out there driving without a seat belt.
My knee jerk reaction included saying, that was the dumbest sh*t I have heard in my life. He then vaguely spoke of being trapped by a seat belt once (I suppose I could be more sensitive.). I told him how I was thrown from the backseat to the front seat in a car accident once…because I didn’t have on a seat belt. I then started thinking; I’ve almost died choking on water. Did that stop me from drinking water? Um, no. Personally, I think he is used to NOT putting his seat belt on.
Statically speaking (per the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration), more people die from being thrown from their cars than from being trapped by a seat belt. Several years ago, I was on the interstate going west. A fatal accident just occurred, over to my right were bodies on the shoulder. Some included children. They had been thrown from the vehicle because they were not secured.
I know this maybe a little heavy for some of you, but it is important that you wear your seat belt. Just yesterday, a child was ejected from a vehicle and seriously injured because the parent failed to properly secure the child to the car.
Yes, you can die if you are trapped in a vehicle if that vehicle lands in water or catches on fire. BUT, you could die or be seriously injured if you are ejected from your car if you are rear ended in a car accident.
*sigh*
This saddens me.
Thanks for listening.
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Random: random rant you can't make this stuff up you need to have a seat
by Imma Bawse
9 comments
Freedom of Speech can be Reckless…
Warning: This blog post may contain violent punctuation; shocking grammatical errors; misspellings (on purpose); #hashtags; and an explicit ending with a preposition. Now that, that’s said, enjoy.
All the things that are right and wrong with humanity can be found on Twitter the internet. Keep in mind, the concept of right and wrong is relative.
So, I was on Twitter this morning…actually yesterday morning and I notice this retweet.
WARNING!!
IT IS MAD DISRESPECTFUL!!
Proceed at your own risk.
WARNING
WARNING
WARNING
WARNING
etc…
Have you ever read something and then had to re-read it because your brain would NOT allow you to process such tomfoolery the first time around? Well, that is what happened to me. I found myself reading the aforementioned tweet aloud as if English was my second language.
You know how “they” say, “curiosity killed the cat.” Well, curiosity encouraged me to go to this fool’s person’s profile and read some of his tweets. So, I was scrolling. I scrolled for about 5 minutes reading this person’s timeline (his other tweets had a similar theme). I then had the nerve to read this person’s mentions. Yeah, I was curious and wanted to see what others had to say.
There were about 8 different types of people responding to this dude:
#TeamLightSkin. A good portion of this team were laughing out loud in class, in the library, at work, and in the checkout line. Many of them appeared to be thankful for the skin tone they were born in for that variable excluded them from the assaults from this dude.
#TeamBrownSkin. A good portion of this team shared the same ideas as #TeamLightSkin but the “Skin tone verification committee” had to remind them that they were #TeamDarkSkin…based on their profile picture.
#TeamDarkSkin. A good portion of them cussed dude out. They also cussed out the other teams who were laughing at this dude’s “jokes.”
#TeamHomosexual. A good portion of this team were offended that he would virtually engage in a same sex act, and then use the hashtag #nohomo. Further, they encouraged him to come out of the closet.
#TeamWhoYouCallingABitch. A good portion of this team were also cussing this dude out for referring to women (including his mama, sisters, aunts, and grandmama’s) as a bitch.
#TeamHeterosexual. A good portion of this team reminded him that his tweet was homosexual in natural. They also encouraged him to come out of the closet.
#TeamYouAFunnyDude. Do I really need to explain this?
#TeamShutUp! Do I really need to explain this? Well, I will say that a good portion of this team was encouraging him to kill himself.
I must say that I read his mentions for 10 minutes too long. This dude made mention that he wanted to be famous and he gave himself a 3 day goal. Congratulations? You sir are famous. *throws confetti*
He also said that he was just joking. *crickets*
This type of “joking” is dangerous. Many people internalize negative messages like this and often times go through extreme measure in order to fit in or to feel accepted. Messages like these are divisive. Look at all the teams that came out to “rep they squad.”
There are so many negative messages out there. It is important that we lift each other up and speak positivity in the lives of others…and ourselves.
That is all.
Somewhere a village is missing there idiot.
Ok, that is all…for real.
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